Opinion: Avocado Hand Should Definitely Not Be A Thing

Thanks to the latest ‘healthy food’ craze that has been sweeping this planet, avocados have been thrust into the limelight. I honestly don’t know where the rest of the world was, but my mum used to shove them down our throats as a ‘healthy snack’. Thanks to it’s ‘sudden’ reappearance, people apparently don’t know how to handle them and have been getting what has been dubbed as ‘avocado hand’.

Apparently, people (don’t ask me who) have been using super sharp knives to peel them and are cutting their hands and fingers and getting avocado hand. While browsing my Facebook I actually had to do a double-take, because surely, I had misread. In my mind, there was no possible way for fully grown adults to be stabbing themselves while cutting fruit (now I understand why Trump is a president). But the overwhelming evidence was right there apparent for all to see. Numerous, gruesome pictures of avocado hand victims with the offending avocado and knife displayed to the world.

It’s gone to the point where Simon Eccles, honorary secretary of the British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, reckons that he sees around four patients a week at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital for avocado hands. He also believes that there should be a warning on the dastardly avocado with a sticker and a red cross over the knife (so everybody understands) no knife into avocado.

To be honest, I’m not sure why the warning is necessary. Is it just me, or is it unreasonable to think that if you have an IQ above 80 you should know not to stab something that you’re holding in your hand? What do people think cutting boards are for? Is there a list of fruits and vegetables that shouldn’t be cut on cutting boards that I should know about? And is that poor avocado on the list? Why are we blaming the avocado for the lack of common sense that some people possess? If you need a sticker telling you not to stab your hand, then maybe you don’t deserve the avocado.

No common sense equals no guacamole – capiche?