12 Fortunes From Fortune Cookies That Will Crack You Up

As a shameless child, I would beam at the waiter in a Chinese restaurant at the end of every meal and grab two full handfuls of fortune cookies. I would then proceed to tear off the wrapper and break the cookie in half and excitedly read my multiple fortunes, some of which would contradict the others. My parents were left to try and eat all the discarded cookies. While most fortune cookies dispel wisdom or predict a very general event, some choose instead to be witty, humorous and sometimes amusingly rude. These are now our favourite types. A quick search on Twitter allowed us to find a bunch of fortune cookies that would crack us up. What about you? 

https://twitter.com/pookiepine/status/638045539230072832

It’s like a magic eight ball saying ‘try again later.’ Except, for this cookie, the answer will always be the same.

Fortune cookie – http://t.co/vysxzJBV9P #fortunecookie #good

— ☹️🥱🙄 (@enricovarrasso) August 30, 2015

Well, that’s heartening.

#FortuneCookie http://t.co/ZFAAFpycsa pic.twitter.com/4fi8Vl74zz

— Fates Cookies (@FatesCookies) August 29, 2015

Oh, and how!  

You should obey and do what your #FortuneCookie tells you! Buy #whatdoyoumean by @justinbieber on iTunes! pic.twitter.com/5mtBwLFW5Q

— Kimchi.pins (@KimchiPins) August 28, 2015

A marketing tool that, if fed to happy people with full stomachs, may just work.  

Not so much a fortune as words of wisdom… #fortunecookie http://t.co/2DwrBBNME2 pic.twitter.com/WDeuKNgNuV

— heavynuggets (@heavynuggets) August 28, 2015

We’re sure there’s a deeper meaning there. Just give us a few minutes to laugh as we imagine an elephant in tap shoes and we’ll figure it out.  

https://twitter.com/Bulbul89/status/640081187038322688

Somehow, it seems more likely that a pet cat is planning this ultimate evil than your new puppy.  

https://twitter.com/AlmightyyDun/status/639968124608118784

Some cookies chose to focus on the ugly truth.  

Worst #fortunecookie ever…. still hungry. No more cookies. #lies pic.twitter.com/VWnczwjlPy

— 🦄Sabrina Lotfi🦄 (she/her) (@LoftilyLotfi) August 27, 2015

What if the next one said the same?

But really… #fortunecookie #nursingschoolproblems pic.twitter.com/72YsgEAUfD

— Nursing School Probs (@NursSchoolProb) August 27, 2015

Depressing for that minority.

#FortuneCookie http://t.co/eMar6ZG11S pic.twitter.com/pC9X5e9qzA

— Fates Cookies (@FatesCookies) August 26, 2015

Why thank you, kind fortune cookie!  

Eek. #fortunecookie pic.twitter.com/wKcLIDDFBG

— James Lockman (@jameslockman) August 26, 2015

That’s really helpful.

https://twitter.com/VeryBadCookie/status/636306051646791680

Into some wisdom some randomness should also fall.